Stepping Past Fear To Engage Teens In Today’s Culture
The room was alive with nervous laughter as we prepared to have a conversation. The thirteen year-olds in the room were eager to talk, making the interview informative and fun. As we were finishing up, three bolted for the door, but I managed to catch one of the guys for a final question. For his previous interaction with me I knew he wasn’t familiar with Christianity. I said, “you know I work here at the church and I’m a Christian. If I wanted to talk to you about God, is there anything you would want me to do first?” Without more than a few seconds pause he replied, “Yeah, it might be nice if you knew what football team I liked.”
Build A Relationship
Investing in young people doesn’t have to be scary or complicated, but it does require a desire to cultivate a genuine interest in them as people, not as projects. I don’t remember anything else about the interviews I conducted that day, but I’ve never forgotten that young man’s response. His words remind me that my message of the gospel is best delivered through relationship.
Often as adults, when we want to invest in a teenager’s life we do so using positional power, as a coach, or a teacher, or a parent. But you may have noticed that utilizing positional power, “do it ’cause I said so,” isn’t always effective with teenagers. The adolescent is more interested in negotiated decision-making, part ownership in the power structure, and respect. Making these adjustments requires self-management on the part of the adult and an authentic desire to encourage young people to think, not simply obey. When we work at developing these kinds of relationships with teens, we discover, often to our surprise, that they seek us out in times of need.
Judge Wisely
She couldn’t have been more than fourteen, but already hard as nails, she’d affectionately nicknamed me “the dork.” Until she discovered that I was one of the pastors on staff at the church, then she was kind enough to call me “Pastor Dork.” After a few weeks, I began to pray that she wouldn’t show up, but we always managed to bump into each other and each time she was as foul, mean, and rude as she’d been the last time.
I began to hate our interaction, but one day everything changed for me. She asked me if she could use the phone to call her mother who had forgotten to pick her up, again. As I stood nearby watching her out of the corner of my eye I noticed something odd happening. Her shoulders began to slump and she turned away to hide the tears building up in her eyes. The voice on the phone was screaming obscenities and calling this little girl names no child should have to hear. The assault was loud enough for me to hear where I stood nearby four feet away.
As she hung up the phone something changed for me. For the first time I saw a broken little girl. In moments like this, uncomfortable verses of Scripture often come to my mind, like the words of Jesus from Matthew’s gospel, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged…” (Matt. 7:11). I need to ask God to forgive me for my inaccurate judgements and I made a new commitment to build a relationship with this girl no matter what she did to me. The change in my heart made way for a relationship that I have never thought possible. Within a few weeks she was actually smiling at me! Sometimes investing in people isn’t difficult because of their behaviour; it’s difficult because of our judgments. Beware: making an investment in a teenager’s life might require personal change , repentance of attitudes, and sacrifice.
Invest in a Few
One of the remarkable things about Jesus was his simplicity. He had a simple message, he used a simple strategy, and he got it all done without email, power point, or a cell phone. He chose twelve, but he invested deeply in three. Who will you invest in? What’s your strategy for leaving a legacy? Life has to be more than working to get more stuff. I encourage you, look around, and identify a few teens that could use some adult influence. Take time to earn their trust, takeing care not to make the mistake I made in judging to quickly. Let God use you to make a difference that could last a lifetime.
Dr. Chris Marchand
Associate Professor of Youth Leadership
and Associate Dean at Providence College.
